numb is my heart as it falls to my feet

the pieces finding their ways into the cracks of the floor boards

attempting to hide themselves from the truth of my bloody hell

my brain skips beats filling the gaps in the sentences of my heartbeat.

a shrug of the shoulders and everything crumbles to shit

inhibitions fall at my feet like rogue waves of emotion

attempting to wring out insecurity from my being.

blood flows slowing, riding the wave of the breeze

gently billowing through your open window

emphasizing the space between us

whisking it’s calm force through you slowly with each shuddering inhale,

exhaling reconfirmed shore bound shit into my head

we sit, face to face, toe to toe, silently recalling the dream we once knew as reality.

sobs alternate from one to the other 

like hand and foot on ladder climbing far into uncomfortable territory

scratching at a masked calling, missed calls from my heart to my head

leave palpitations of memories, carrying me to numbness surrounded by black sea.

black flows like thick paint down your rounded cheeks, 

injected with the color of fallen paeonia petals on your kitchen table

finishing sentences with full names

as if we are patients checking in to a gilded asylum

licking our lips to force the medication down

numbing numbness was never supposed to be prescribed. 

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

Dogs never bite me. Just humans.

— Marilyn Monroe